On April 23, 2018, Sean and I went in for the anatomy
ultrasound of our 7th child. We
have been so very blessed with 6 healthy children so far. But on this day, things changed. God placed us on a new road. We were told baby may have a VSD and that we
would need to go to a specialist. We
left scared and with little information of what may lie ahead. The doctors were able to get us in the next
day and after an hour long ultrasound, it was found that the defect was
actually worse than it was originally thought to be. Baby was diagnosed with an AV canal
defect. Again, we were told that we
would need to go to a specialist, a pediatric cardiologist. That appointment was made for a week later.
At this appointment an echo was done of the baby’s
heart. Afterwards, we were able to speak
with the cardiologist. He is such a kind
doctor, very patient, thoroughly explained everything, and answered all of our
questions. This was so helpful during an
otherwise stressful appointment. The AV
canal defect was confirmed and a new defect was found, called Tetralogy of
Fallot. Our precious baby will need
surgery soon after birth, more than likely at Vanderbilt, with a two week stay
in the hospital.
I feel like I have already heard so much from the Lord and
the journey really hasn’t even begun.
The Lord has given us grace
(His unmerited blessing). I don’t think
I really understood exactly what grace was until now.
I have also learned the importance of faith and obedience to His word.
I have been so grateful for the encouragement others have brought to our family. Over the years, I have gotten lazy and
busy. It has been such a good reminder
of the importance of just talking to someone when they are going through a hard
time to let them know you care.
I am also learning to be comfortable in how God created
me. He knitted me together in my mother’s
womb. I can rejoice in the person He has
made me. God did not do this to punish
me for being a horrible person. God
loves me. I do not need to fear, He is
here for me, He cares, and He will give me the peace that surpasses all
understanding.
God is in control – I
am not. His ways are higher than
mine. Even if things don’t go the way I
would like for them to go, I can still praise Him. There is always a reason to praise God.
Our children are so precious, so significant, life is so
fragile. These are little souls that the
Lord has entrusted Sean and I with. I appreciate
little smiles, dirty hands, diaper changes, crying babies, cooking meals, teaching
them, reading to them, listening to them, just gazing at them a little
longer. Oh and how I love my husband
more. He remains steady for me. He remains a comfort, someone I can go to and
he will hold me and listen to me and love me no matter what. I don’t want to let these moments with my
family slip by. I want to cherish each
of them.
I cannot plan every minute of every day and have it all go
the way I visualize it. I can let things
go. It’s OK if the garage is a mess, the
house still isn’t all painted, and the living room floors are dirty. I can be content with what I have been given
from the Lord.
Since we heard about our baby’s heart defects, most of the
time I am busy with my family and I have my mind set on them. When it is quiet, I do cry. It is a different cry though. I do feel peace. I am sad for us and our baby, but I also have
great hope. I pray that we have a child
that gets to lead a normal life post-surgery.
I don’t know why God has chosen us
to go through this, but I do know I am ready to grow and change and be more
like Jesus. Not for myself, but so that
others can hopefully see Jesus through me.
I want God to have ALL of me, to have His way with me, to let Him use
me, to be available for Him, for this to all be for His glory. Please, Lord, take me out of it.
Mommy and Daddy love you, Little One.
