Monday, July 17, 2017

Where Did I Leave Off?

So, a few posts ago, I mentioned how I had been having some health issues:  In case u want to catch up, here's what I said.

Unfortunately, father's Day wasn't as good.  I couldn't even serve my husband coffee when we woke up because the outlet was dead.  Then he took me to the ER for chest pain that I've had on and off since June 1st.  Its varied from being constant to intermittent to not at all.  Sometimes it's really painful and sometimes not.  Sometimes it goes down my left arm and into my back.  Sometimes it's positional.  Sometimes my fingers are numb.  Sometimes it hurts to take deep breaths.  Well, chest x-ray and blood work were normal and EKG showed a nonspecific T wave abnormality.  MD offered admit and stress test, but we decided (with my FIL's wisdom) to just followup with my PCP.  Sean and I are thinking more muscular and/or stress and anxiety.  But I'm glad we ruled out the BIG stuff.  Today I haven't felt much pain at all and I am thankful to God for that.  I have been stressed (overwhelmed) with trying to manage being wife, mother of 6, keeping up with the house,  cooking, laundry, errands, groceries, friends, family, church, etc, etc, etc.  Sean and I were able to talk a lot about that on our date and he's on board to helping me stress less and enjoy all my blessings.  I'm on board too.  :)

Well, a week ago Sunday, I woke up around 1 AM and fearfully decided I needed to drive myself back to the ER.  Same tests and results as above.  I arrived home around 6 AM and crawled in bed with my husband.  Later that day, pain intensified, 10/10 type pain.  Some things like position or a hot bath helped, but I was in tears.  Pain had changed locations again too.  Also, finding it hard to breathe and panicky and palpitations.  Monday morning I saw my MD.  Had an echo done, which was pretty normal except some mitral valve thickening.  We talked a while and she decided to refer me to a cardiologist and to get an ultrasound of my gallbladder.  Both are scheduled for soon.  She also gave me a shot of toradol and started me on Zoloft.  

Now, here's the point where I will say that modern medicine has been frustrating my husband and he decided to try to something a little different.  After prayer of course.  He has been scared about my health.  We have a friend who does the Body Code, Emotion Code, and nutritional testing.  I've done the Emotion Code for a couple of years, but none of the other stuff.  I am not going to get into all that here, but I will just say that she has come over twice and has been working with me emotionally and nutritionally.  She feels I have a hormone imbalance and some of my organs are out of whack.  So at her suggestion we have ordered a bunch of supplements to try to get me back to feeling well.  This may sound totally whacky to some of you, but that's OK.  

I am also changing my diet.  Little to no grains, sugars, and caffeine.  Boo.  Very hard!  Concentrating on proteins and healthy fats and veggies and fruits.  

I have lived my whole life with perfectionism and OCD and for the last decade or so with anxiety and stress.  To the point where my state of anxiety and stress was baseline and not even noticed anymore. I feel like my body has finally told me enough is enough.  God has prompted me often to change, but I've never been able to.  Maybe because I didn't know how.  So in the midst of all this fear and worry and the stress and anxiety, I have found blessing and peace.  I want to change.  I want to enjoy my life.  My family.  My world.  My God.  

I was telling Sean this morning how I felt like so much has changed this year.  Our marriage.  New baby.  My health.  Our homeschooling.  My relationship to God and how it feels so much sweeter now.  I feel as if I am learning how to finally let go and let Him.  

 A scary season has changed how I view things.  I want my time with my husband and kids to be meaningful.  I want to run and play and laugh and hug and then do it all over again.  I don't want to care if the bed is unmade and there are dishes in the sink and laundry to do.   It will wait and it will always be there and it will happen again and again.  But these precious moments won't.

I don't know if these attacks of pain are going to happen again.  I hope not.  I have to constantly give up my rights to my health to God.  But I do hope and pray that I learn what I need to learn  in the valley.  For now, pain wise, I am feeling about back to normal.  

And I am so very thankful for my husband (I love him even more these days), my children, our family, and our church family and our friends.  I have really been feeling the love.  We have been blessed with prayers, texts, cards, babysitting, meals, phone calls, etc.  

Our Savior never leaves us or forsakes us.  There is hope in Him.  There is healing in Him.

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