Friday, February 22, 2013

Feb Brewner Update

It seems a lot has been going on. 

FIRST, Andrew is doing well.  He is starting to grab things and put them to his mouth.  He is a happy baby and very laid back.  He loves his jumperoo and laughing at his brothers.  He really only eats during nap time and through the night……we call him our binge eater.  lol  He is still sleeping in our room.  He is such a joy and a blessing!!!!

Hunter has a new trick!  He can climb out of his crib now and likes to often!!!!  He is a good boy, though, and doesn’t totally destroy his room….yet!  Although I did find him and Ryan in the book nook one day during nap time amidst hundreds of books and stuffed animals!!!!  Took a while to clean that one up!!! Hunter is starting to recognize colors and shapes, can count to 10, and has a rapidly increasing vocabulary.  He is our serious guy, but he sure does make us laugh…..often!!!!

Ryan has been doing very well with chores and saving money.  He was able to buy his first toy with his own money, a stormtrooper, and has already lost it!  lol He also tithed at church for the first time.  J We are still working with him on his behavior, but with God’s grace, we are moving forward and finding joy, even with the continuous correction and discipline.  He is a joy and a blessing to our family and has so much life and a huge smile! 

Sean of course is busy with school!  He is amazing and still finds time to be an awesome husband and father, even when he forgets to put the carafe back in before making a pot of coffee! 

I am occupied with the children and the house.  School is keeping me fairly busy, especially as I am tackling the required 45 volunteer hours at the community center for one of my classes.  I have been going all day on Saturdays while Sean has the boys.  I have completed 19 hours.  A little bit more to go! 

As I posted before, my grandma is in the hospital.  She needs a total hip replacement, which was scheduled for Wednesday, but is now rescheduled for Monday because she has pneumonia. Please pray for her. 

LASTLY, Sean and I are working through something that I want to share with others because if we can learn and grow from our experiences and show God’s grace, love, and power, then it makes these experiences so much more worthwhile.  Sean confessed on our anniversary last Tuesday that he has been struggling with his thoughts and with what he allows his eyes to see.  We were watching Fireproof and I jokingly asked if he has ever had a problem with pornography (like the character in the movie) and I was shocked when he said yes.  He has been engaging in this on and off throughout our whole marriage.  I had no idea.  I felt so sick to my stomach, angry, hurt, devastated, but relieved and glad that he told me.  For so long I have felt that something has been wrong in our marriage, but I could never put my finger on exactly what it was.  I have felt it was me for so long.  That I have been doing something wrong.  That I was a bad wife.  The lying and trust issues are hard, but we have put certain things in place to help with that.  We put filters on our computers and got rid of romance novels (no more Nicholas Sparks!!!!!) and movies that show things that could lead to wrong thoughts and temptations.  We changed the music we were listening to from worldly Christian music to classic hymns. We have designated about 8 channels that are acceptable for viewing on TV.  We have ensured that whoever is on the Internet has a buddy.  We have committed to be each other’s accountability partners and daily share our thoughts and feelings.  We have gotten some great resources from Pastor Bates and his wife and we have started watching those.  They are amazing.  Paul and Jenny Speed. We apologized to the children for trying to teach them obedience, honesty, and self-control when daddy wasn’t practicing the very things he’s trying to teach.  I have asked for forgiveness for my anger, bitterness, and control issues.  I have committed to being a more loving wife and to think of my husband before myself or the children.  We have decided not to keep it a secret because sin is in secrecy.  Also, this blog is about our family, the ups and the downs!  However, none of these things will matter if we don’t have God and if we aren’t willing to do whatever it takes to make this better.  I am excited!  I am encouraged!  I know God is going to do something great in our lives and make our marriage so much better than it could have ever been before.  I am looking forward to seeing what God is going to do and how he will show his glory and power.  I was very naïve.  I didn’t understand how much these things effect men and how tempting this can be for them.  Women, for the most part, don’t have these types of struggles.  It ranges from the temptations on the Internet, to TV programs that show inappropriate relationships between man and woman, to a pretty girl on campus with short shorts and a tank top.  These can all lead to desires that cannot be fulfilled.  God’s timing is perfect, as well.  A few years ago, I would have had a totally different reaction than now.  It’s exciting to know that we are growing in Christ.  I am proud of Sean for mustering up the courage to tell me instead of catching him or him going down an even worse road.  We will be able to rebuild our marriage with God’s mighty strength.  Hopefully through this we can be a blessing to others.  That’s really what it’s all about. 


Philippians 4:8

King James Version (KJV)

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.



Anonymous said...

Oh Hettie, how brave of the both of you to come forward and confess not only his problem, but yours as well! Keith and I have been there. It really is something that is just too tempting for them and some just can't control themselves without intervention. THat is wonderful that he came out and told you! I found out after getting out of the hospital. I typed in an address and something came up that had been previously viewed. I was heart broken in every way. I couldnt believe that he looked at such awful, vile things, not only when the boys were home (asleep of course) but while I was alone in the hospital. I wanted to vomit right there. Our getting through it took a LOT of prayer and study in God's word. I now understand, that just as you explained, men "see" sexual things. From women at work or school, to the TV, to the ever-so-tempting internet. I also know that they feel bad for doing it. That is, I'm sure, why he told you. He felt convicted by the Spirit to do so. It is something that you all can get through with God's help. I know that Keith has needed my help. He may need "reminders" for the rest of his life. When it is an addiction, it is just like anything else. You are doing the right thing by cutting out so many worldly things. Our husbands will always need our help in this. For a short while, I wanted to leave over it. But I saw that he was really truly sorry and he was hurting just as much as I was. Our relationship is stronger than ever now, and we are more open and honest about everything. It made us the best of friends, believe it or not. I just wanted to share a little and to let you know that it was brave to come out with it! Your love for each other and for the Lord will surely see you through! (HUGS)
Christi F

Hettie Brewner said...

Thanks Christi! I wrote you on caring bridge. :)