A New Chapter

Usually I would not share something like this on my blog or anywhere else for that matter, but I started my cycle back yesterday.    I am telling you this because of God's goodness and mercy.  I started at work yesterday and I was honestly very fearful.  I was fearful because I am still a bit traumatized from the hemorrhage I experienced last month.  I was so scared it was going to happen again and to top it off I was at work again; exactly where it happened last time.  I mean I have been silly about some things.  I still hadn't even worn the skirt that I wore the day it happened, even after Sean worked so hard on getting it clean again.  I have been scared to be at work.  I get a strange feeling in my stomach when I pass by UT Med.  On the other hand, I have been healing and I haven't been as fearful, but yesterday just caught me off guard.  

Any way, all of this is even more significant because of the devotional I read yesterday morning before going into work.  My sweet mother-in-law gifted me with a daily devotional for the new year that she specifically said would be good for me after what happened.  

So here it is:  

"Come to me, and rest in my loving presence.  You know that this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through those trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forgot that I am with you - now and always.  Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur.  Do not multiply your suffering in this way!  Instead, come to me, and relax in my peace.  I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, and transform your fear into confident trust."  From: Jesus Calling.  Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young

This brought me so much comfort yesterday.  How amazing that our Heavenly Father cares this much for us and wants to talk to us and help us.  

The Ending

My experience of having a blighted ovum has ended.  But it ended in a way I never imagined.

On Thursday I started to miscarry and all was going well.  It was normal and I felt fine.

Friday morning I woke super early to work my 7 a to 7 p shift.  When I got to work I did share that I was miscarrying and that I would take it easy, which all my coworkers and boss kindly helped me to do.  Around 3 pm I started having contractions, but I also remembered that, that was normal per some of my friends that have been through similar experiences.

The contractions were a little painful and the bleeding picked up a bit, but I still thought everything was fine.  Then around 5 p.m., I had one really strong contraction and then I felt a gush of blood.  I quickly went to the bathroom and that's when things started to go wrong.....quickly.

I filled the toilet about three times with blood and at this point I realized I needed to leave work.....and fast.  I grabbed my stuff, muttered that I had to go, and left.

Once to my car, I called Sean and told him what happened and said I was coming home.  We hung up and I started to head home.  I was a little panicky because I felt like maybe something was wrong.  I prayed to God and basically said, "If I don't gush again, I will drive home, but if I do gush again I will drive to the hospital".  UT Medical Center is on my way home.  Well, no sooner did I say that, I felt three huge gushes right in a row.  It was so scary.  There was so much blood that it was coming through my skirt and pooling on my lap.  And it didn't stop.  I just kept gushing blood.

I called Sean back panicking and told him I was driving myself to the ER.  He kept me on the phone to try to keep me from passing out.  I was driving 80 in a 50.  I ran red lights.  I was so scared.

I pulled up to the ER doors and got out, leaving my car, my purse, everything.  I asked someone to help me and right away someone came over to me.  I was pouring blood everywhere.

They quickly got me to an exam room in the ER and started two IVs and took blood from me.  They asked me what was going on and so I told them I had a blighted ovum and I was about 12 weeks along and I was miscarrying.  They asked me questions to figure out who I was and my medical history because obviously I didn't do the regular check in thing.

The ER doctor came in and did a pelvic exam and packed me to see if he could get the bleeding to stop.  That didn't work.  The blood just kept coming through all the packing.  Then the OB doctor came in, removed all that packing, did another pelvic exam, and tried to get the remainder of the contents out in hopes that the bleeding would stop.  It didn't.  So he packed me again, but it just kept seeping through.

Then they started a blood transfusion and I received 3 pints of blood.  I was so scared and kept telling them they had to get all this bleeding to stop.  My vital signs were going down hill and my color didn't look good.  I kept feeling like I was going to pass out.

Then they rushed me to the OR.  I could feel rivers of blood coming through all the packing and it was pooling in between my legs.

Once in the OR, they put me to sleep, intubated me, and performed a D&C.  I had asked the OB beforehand to protect my "lady parts" because we wanted to have more kids and he promised he would, unless he couldn't get the bleeding to stop, in which case, they would have to do a hysterectomy.  They did not end up having to do that.  I received another pint of blood in the OR, which made a total of 4 pints.

Once in recovery, Sean was able to come in and visit after I woke up.  I was so happy to see him since up until this point I had to go all of it alone.  The surgery went well and I was stable.  I stayed in recovery until about 1130 pm and then they moved us to a room.

We were discharged around 11 am Saturday morning with instructions to basically take it easy.  The OB commented that with the amount of blood I lost, if I hadn't been healthy to begin with, things could've turned out differently.  The final diagnosis was incomplete miscarriage with a vaginal hemorrhage.  My body was unable to expel all of the contents of the uterus so the uterus couldn't clamp down, which caused me to start hemorrhaging.

I have been doing pretty well, all things considered.  I am definitely doing better than Friday and I am very grateful for that. I am sore from head to toe, basically camped out on the couch or in my bed, and have been taking some hydrocodone.

I don't know why this all happened, but I do know that God took care of me.  He got me to the hospital safely, took me to one of the best hospitals in our area, and gave me amazing doctors and nurses who remained calm and steady while I panicked.

I am cherishing life a little more.  I am also scared.  It was traumatic and I am still trying to grasp what happened.  It seems a little surreal.  I am just grateful to be at home with my family.  My dad also came in yesterday to stay with us for a week.

We are praying for a good recovery and we are praising God for taking care of me.