It feels like I was just posting about Andrew's upcoming surgery. And as I look back, I was fearful about his and so worried. But now I am even more worried and it seems as though Andrew's was a breeze. I don't know why I am so worried with Hunter's. I have God to lean on and to have hope and faith that he will take care of our son. I was paralyzed with fear in the middle of the night and this morning. So worried. I have always had a fear of losing my children to cancer. I am sure that's why this is affecting me so much. The nurse practitioner wasn't especially worried, but they are going to be sending his enlarged tonsil off to be tested. You see, it's usually a sign of cancer or tumor in an older person when there is a unilaterally enlarged tonsil, but in children it is usually fine. But there is still a little concern and that is what frightens me so.
I don't why I focus on the worst possible thing happening. I try not to imagine life without Hunter, but that is exactly what I have been doing and I just can't bear the thought.
I need to realize that God is in control, not me. That He is allowing this to happen for a reason. That it is probably nothing more than an enlarged tonsil. That Hunter will be just fine. I dislike not having control. I need to give it all to Him.
I listen to Dr. Stanley in the mornings while I am getting ready and today's message was so appropriate. All about preparing for life's trials and hard times and how to do it. If I go into this with fear, I will not be able to learn what God wants me to. He is trying to prepare me for other things in life. He is trying to strengthen my walk with him.
http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/today-on-radio Here is the link to this powerful message. At the end of it, Dr. Stanley tells of a family and their strong faith in God after the loss of their 3 year old little boy and how they felt so helpless watching him in such excruciating pain the last 10 days of his life. Well, that got me. Hunter is 3.
Our surgery is scheduled. Hunter will be getting tubes put in his ears and a tonsillectomy and an adenoidectomy next Monday.
I am feeling peace at the moment. Please pray for our precious little man.