Sunday, May 15, 2011

Jesus LOVES you


I don't want this post to seem boastful or prideful.  That is not my intent.  I got an award today at church.  To my complete surprise.  In front of the congregation.  And I had to speak.  Yikes!!!!  I got it for going through nursing school, having Ryan at home, and being pregnant with Hunter 3 out of the 4 semesters; then having a newborn while I finished and not taking any kind of break.  Of course, this is all because of God, and not my own doing.  I really don't think it was that hard being pregnant during school.  I had an amazing pregnancy and I love being pregnant.  And the timing (God's timing) of course was perfect.  I had Hunter the first day of spring break so I had that week and then I took the next week off, but that was it.  Any way, I was completely humbled and totally caught off guard.  Sean really deserves the award for encouraging me through all of this and supporting me and for taking care of our boys at home, all while going to school, too. 

The main point of the post is to let you know how much God loves you, even when you are a mess.  I am a mess!  I did not deserve this today.  It was just yesterday that I swore I didn't want to be with my husband anymore, that I was totally unhappy, let him know I had thought about divorce.  It was only yesterday that I felt hopeless and helpless.  Tired of living by my emotions and feelings.  Wondering why I can't have a great relationship with my Savior.  Wondering why He doesn't help me.  Why I always feel stressed and anxious.  Wondering why I feel the need to be perfect, the perfect mom, wife, have the perfect house.  Asking why I have to be jealous of others, why I think bad thoughts.  Frustrated that I don't pray enough, that I don't read the Bible like I should.  Low self-esteem.  No confidence. This was only yesterday.  And the day before that and the week before that, the month before that, and years before that.  Failing to realize what God has done in my life.  Failing to realize that God is certainly not working for me.  That I should be trying my best to do my best for Him.  It's not about me.  It's ALL about Him.  So selfish.  So stubborn.  But so LOVED by Him.   Forgiven by Him.  He shows mercy, kindness.  He is full of grace.  I can feel so alone.  I can complain.  I can wonder and not trust in Him.  To try to do this on my own.  I can really mess up.  Like I did yesterday.  Like I always do, but He can still do something amzing today.  He still loves me and my mess today.  How can you not LOVE a God that LOVES YOU THAT MUCH!?

6 comments:

Jessica said...

Wow Hettie. Your strength always amazes me, as does your honesty. It's amazing how we can forget how much He loves us and blesses us some days, especially at rocky times in our relationships. Keep your head up and your eyes on Him and not only will you continue to be blessed, but you will continue to bless others. You will never know what a positive impact you have had on me and many others who have seen God through you in so many ways. Whether you feel it all the time or not, Jesus's love is in your words, your eyes and your actions...and it's VERY visible whether you realize it or not.

Hettie Brewner said...

Thank you, Jess. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement. I'm so glad we met and became such good friends through nursing school. What a crazy ride we have had together. I LOVE that we were able to share that experience and I'm looking forward to a lifelong friendship.....and a spa day! :) Thank you for your positive attitude and for showing your love for Christ. Love ya!

The Color Of my Life said...

God does loves us even we are a bad or good or naughty person. God always watched us from above. and he knows what are we doing. and even though we know what we did are wrong we still try to not to repeat it again. Hettie, regarding your marriage.. same thing happen to my previous relationship yet never fails to have faith onto it... cause only you can able to get up.. No one can help you... and when yu do.. alwiz have the strength to do it better ..alwiz alwiz must have it.. very important.. I used to fall back last year.. was under depression for too long.. even wanted to commit suicide.. but thinking of it, no use.. as I want to love myself.. so I got back to church... told the pastor to pray for me and went to attending some of the prayers class.. and by singing the rejoicing songs( i love singing =) ) makes me feels so calm really calm... and able to think properly.

makes me happy in the end... =)

Hettie Brewner said...

I'm so glad Stephanie! I LOVE singing too even though I am not that good. Sean said I should take singing lessons! lol I'm so glad you went back to church and things are better for you now. Our God is amazing. I'm so glad we met and are friends, too. Thank you for the encouraging words. Me and Sean are doing well. We are just taking our marriage from good to spectacular. :) Can be frustrating along the way, though.

~ Noelle said...

wow
such honesty and raw emotion...
i am sorry that you have been dealing with all of this, but so happy that you have such an amazing strength of faith.
love you

Hettie Brewner said...

Thank you, Noelle. It was hard to actually post this, but I don't want this blog to be fake or all fluff, I want it to be the real me. :) Love you, too!