Jesus LOVES you

I don't want this post to seem boastful or prideful.  That is not my intent.  I got an award today at church.  To my complete surprise.  In front of the congregation.  And I had to speak.  Yikes!!!!  I got it for going through nursing school, having Ryan at home, and being pregnant with Hunter 3 out of the 4 semesters; then having a newborn while I finished and not taking any kind of break.  Of course, this is all because of God, and not my own doing.  I really don't think it was that hard being pregnant during school.  I had an amazing pregnancy and I love being pregnant.  And the timing (God's timing) of course was perfect.  I had Hunter the first day of spring break so I had that week and then I took the next week off, but that was it.  Any way, I was completely humbled and totally caught off guard.  Sean really deserves the award for encouraging me through all of this and supporting me and for taking care of our boys at home, all while going to school, too. 

The main point of the post is to let you know how much God loves you, even when you are a mess.  I am a mess!  I did not deserve this today.  It was just yesterday that I swore I didn't want to be with my husband anymore, that I was totally unhappy, let him know I had thought about divorce.  It was only yesterday that I felt hopeless and helpless.  Tired of living by my emotions and feelings.  Wondering why I can't have a great relationship with my Savior.  Wondering why He doesn't help me.  Why I always feel stressed and anxious.  Wondering why I feel the need to be perfect, the perfect mom, wife, have the perfect house.  Asking why I have to be jealous of others, why I think bad thoughts.  Frustrated that I don't pray enough, that I don't read the Bible like I should.  Low self-esteem.  No confidence. This was only yesterday.  And the day before that and the week before that, the month before that, and years before that.  Failing to realize what God has done in my life.  Failing to realize that God is certainly not working for me.  That I should be trying my best to do my best for Him.  It's not about me.  It's ALL about Him.  So selfish.  So stubborn.  But so LOVED by Him.   Forgiven by Him.  He shows mercy, kindness.  He is full of grace.  I can feel so alone.  I can complain.  I can wonder and not trust in Him.  To try to do this on my own.  I can really mess up.  Like I did yesterday.  Like I always do, but He can still do something amzing today.  He still loves me and my mess today.  How can you not LOVE a God that LOVES YOU THAT MUCH!?