Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bad Mommy Moment (already!)

I was thinking further about the very superficial things I said in my post yesterday and also my comment to Becca. I just had one of those "a-ha" moments. I'm sitting here on the computer, had navigated from my blog and was reading Becca's, and baby started shifting and swimming around when I realized something. This precious little thing that Sean and I made with God, that is so innocent and just wants love and for us to take care of him/her, completely reliant on me right now, which will continue once born, who cares what BB looks like. How could I be so ugly like that? God has blessed us with a baby!!!!!! What more could we ask for? Especially after all we have been through and to be where we are now, I should only be thankful. So many couples out there have tragic things happen to them and their babies both unborn and born, and some aren't even able to get pregnant. I know I am human and those silly thoughts are going to pop into my crazy head, but I went a little far. I feel as if I need to apologize to my poor baby. I think I just made my first mistake as a mother. Well, I guess I have made a few mistakes while being prego, but why go there.....I stressed too much. That's not me anymore. I have always vowed that this is the place where I can totally be uninhibited and real, so I don't regret the things I said. Instead, through writing about it, I learned a valuable lesson.

To see exactly what I mean about families having to endure such hardships with their kids, go to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/. This mama is so strong. She has a little boy that is 4 months old with heart problems that has spent most of his little life in the hospital. She was told while she was still pregnant that her baby was going to die because of his heart and probably would not even survive in the womb. I can't imagine. She is an extremely courageous Christian woman and some of the stories and pics of this little miracle are both heartwarming and heartbreaking. Thousands of people are following this story. There was even a "Pray for baby Stellan" message on the scoreboard during a Red Sox game!!

So really, an ugly baby?????? Not a concern of mine.

I think we may have a future rocker on our hands. I have been uploading ALL (I mean probably 100s) of songs from our CDs onto our iPod and baby has been thoroughly enjoying listening to the music. Peanut was so active all day yesterday. It was totally cute!

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