Monday, April 27, 2009

This mystery in my womb

I feel nauseous and low on energy today. Blah!

So, I can't stop thinking about baby. I think about what BB is going to look like and I know this is totally awful to say (hopefully I'm not the first mother to think this), but I wonder if our baby is going to be cute or ugly. I of course think about baby being healthy, no problems physically and mentally, all 10 fingers and toes. Morbid and scary, and awful, but I have thought what if we lost the baby. It just makes my heart skip a beat and I feel all panicky. I think about if I will deliver normally and if so what that will be like or if I will have a C-section and what that is like. How I will be when we bring the baby home? What type of personality will BB have? Will it be a boy or girl? Will peanut be a chill baby or fussy and colicky? How will I feel and deal with a new life changing situation? How will Sean be? So many questions and no answers. It's really exciting and scary at the same time. I gave my worries to God last night, but then I still want to write about it today. OK, after this, for real, it's going to Him.

Our house is clean and I feel much better for that! Thanks to my grandma for having her house cleaner come yesterday!

Maybe eating will make me feel better......

4 comments:

Becca said...

Ugh i thought about that stuff all the time....especially the ugly/cute baby thing. It sounds awful but you never want to be the couple with the 'ugly baby.' But don't worry....i'm sure your baby will be absolutely adorable and everyone else will think so too. Oh...and healthy and all that jive stuff too, LOL. :) but don't worry...you're normal! You'll have plenty more to give to God once baby gets here....like are they still breathing, eating enough, rolling over on time, too small, too big, too fussy...LOL....it's a good thing that we are able to give these things to God, otherwise all moms would go NUTSO!!!!

Hettie Brewner said...

Sean said if we have an ugly baby that I won't know because of the whole mother's love thing, but he said he would definitely tell me if we have an ugly one. That is so superficial! I really shouldn't even think such nastiness. Me and baby being healthy should be my only thoughts. Sean also said the cute ones turn into not so cute adults and the ugly ones turn into beautiful grown-ups. Not sure I agree with that. It is weird how beautiful parents don't always have beautiful children and vice versa. Not so great looking parents sometimes have the cutest kids. OK, really I need to stop. SUPERFICIAL! I know we will love our baby no matter what and that's all that matters. So, what do the nonbeliever moms do I wonder?

Becca said...

Yeah it is superficial but those sort of thoughts always enter your head as a human being. But like you said...not a concern where there are tons of people out there with babies that have major problems or birth defects, or women who can't get preggo at all! When we were TTC for those 8 months i was on TTC chat boards and i always felt like i didn't quite belong because i wasn't so far into TTC that we needed to do infertility treatments or IVF or IUI or other tests. Women who have to go through that stuff have such a rough time and my heart always goes out to them. I still follow-up with a lot of them because i know, to a point, how it feels to want a baby SO badly, but not be able to have one for months and months and months, while other people are lucky enough to get one RIGHT AWAY. I know you guys got really lucky on the first month so i'm not bashing you or anything, because i know you had to wait too, but ugg....trying and trying and trying actively for months on end wreaks HAVOC on your emotions and makes you question what is wrong with you. But anyways...WAY off subject...yay for healthy babies! LOL

Hettie Brewner said...

It has to be extremely hard, I agree! What I don't understand is how people who I almost feel don't deserve babies, get pregnant often and easily - like druggies, unfit parents, moms that aren't there for their babies, killers, etc. Something only God could tell us.